This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
