my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
