We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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