So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
