Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
