Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
