Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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