Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dignity is for republicans.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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