I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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