Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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