you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
