I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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