Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
