and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
