Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
