i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
