let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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