1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
