i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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