but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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