I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
