Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
