I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
