My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
