i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
