We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
