First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
