My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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