I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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