I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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