i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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