You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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