just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
