if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
