I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I will pee on everything he values.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
