We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's shark week go big or go home
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
