Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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