You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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