Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
