So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Green mimosas i think yes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
