i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
