omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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