I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
