Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I know her cup size but not her name....
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