I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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