I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
