Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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