____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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