I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is Oprah even human
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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