We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
someone owes me an orgasm
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
