I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
