I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
