I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
