"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
