The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
