Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
