Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
