then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
